The Ascended King

It carries itself in the moment.. the brightness of your eyes, the coldness of goodbye, and the quiet voice inside me whispering, let this king go.

For a while, I mattered. Then time and circumstance settled between us, and you were given enough distance to forget my fire. You seemed so tempted to kiss this prince, to let him feel wanted, to let him believe there might be somewhere for all of this love to land. Instead, hope was asked to share a room with rejection.

I began this journey rooted firmly in my divine masculine. I was steady. I was certain. I was learning how to stand inside myself without needing another person to hold me there.

And then, for you, I allowed myself to fall.

I softened. I opened. I surrendered the need to control the story and became the observer of love rather than the director of it. I watched the dance between two souls and allowed myself to believe that perhaps I was finally being invited into it.

Because beneath everything, I want something simple and terrifying:

I want to be loved deeply, without hesitation or restraint.

Later, I stand inside an open tent. The bed is made. The lights are on. My clothes have been pulled from the bag and scattered into the beginnings of a temporary home. My speaker plays softly in the background.

And then my body gives out.

I collapse to my knees and cry into my hands.

My mind takes me back to your eyes.

I remember leaning toward you to kiss you goodnight.

I remember the movement before I remember the feeling.

You pulled your head away.

In an instant, all of my momentum disappeared. My heart seemed to drop straight into my stomach. It was such a small motion, almost nothing from the outside, but inside me an entire possibility collapsed.

You had let me so far in that I began to imagine there might be room for me in your heart.

Maybe even in your life.

Then, in a single moment, rejection arrived alongside the old ache of wanting to be needed and the familiar terror of being let go.

I became something weightless.

A kite whose string had suddenly been cut.

I drifted upward and farther away from the earth I thought might finally ground me. The foundation beneath me cracked so quickly that emotion rushed through every opening, filling all the places where I still felt weak.

And there, kneeling in that tent, I remembered something about myself:

My heart beats for love.

But not everyone is capable of loving at the depths where I naturally meet them.

That does not make my depth a mistake.

It simply means I must learn the difference between someone who awakens my heart and someone who knows how to hold it.

The Ascended King

You came to me first in a vision.

Then in a dream.

And somehow, later, in real life.

Coming out of your embrace, I saw your smile. Then you winked at me... one eye and then the other. First the left, then the right.

I looked into those electric blue eyes and, for a moment, felt as though I were looking through time itself.

There were memories there that I could not name.

Lifetimes, perhaps.

Or maybe only the strange familiarity of meeting someone whose presence touches a place inside you that existed long before the introduction.

I leaned in to kiss your cheek, and you smiled with that almost-smitten softness that makes me wonder whether there are truths the body confesses before the mouth is brave enough to speak them.

I find you most clearly in the spaces between time.

In the moments when no one is watching us.

When the world becomes quiet enough that there can simply be air between us.

No performance.

No expectation.

No need to determine what this is.

Only presence.

I notice the progress written into your body... the strength you have cultivated, the veins rising beneath your skin, the evidence of discipline and transformation. But what holds my attention more deeply are the stories underneath it.

The trials that taught you.

The losses that shaped you.

The choices that carried you here.

I find myself sitting in anticipation when you speak, humbled by your presence and genuinely wanting to hear the words that come from you.

Today, I take note of the codes shared along the river's edge.

The wind moves through the trees.

Your words move with it.

And somewhere between the sound of the water and the rustling of the leaves, your truth reaches me.

For a moment, I stop trying to understand where any of this is going.

I stop asking what you will choose.

I stop measuring the distance between us.

I simply listen.

And in that space, I feel something I have been searching for through so many people, places, visions, and versions of myself.

I feel home.

Maybe the ascended king is not the man who finally chooses me.

Maybe he is not the man who rescues me from rejection, fulfills every desire, or confirms every vision I have had about love.

Perhaps the ascended king is the one whose presence calls me back into my own sovereignty.

The one who reminds me that I can love another person profoundly without abandoning myself inside the loving.

The one who can awaken tenderness without becoming responsible for healing every wound that tenderness reveals.

And perhaps my work is not to convince a king to stay.

Perhaps it is to become so rooted in my own kingdom that love is no longer measured by whether someone remains beside me.

I can bless the connection.

I can honor what I felt.

I can grieve what I hoped for.

And I can still stand.

Because sometimes the person who feels like home does not arrive to become the house.

Sometimes they arrive to remind us that home was always something we were being asked to build within ourselves, and to share with someoen else.

The Beautiful Story Never Told, Jo He and My Taeo

"There is a mystery in the way you love me. Sometimes it makes all the sense, while others get me to walk away with my head hung lower. I bounce back but I still wonder at what point you will allow yourself to dive into my deep oceans. To become fearful of the depth in my eyes and the love in my touch, shows the truth of my purpose, to love unconditionally and do so with honor to each soul that I embrace."